5 Hollywood Remakes That Should Never Be Made

GILLIGAN'S ISLAND

I was hoping this was some kind of a joke shared around the water cooler.  But this movie is planned for a 2012 release.  The only thing worse than watching contemporary actors trying to portrait iconic TV characters, is contemporary actors trying to imitate the actors that were playing those iconic characters.  Watching an actor do their best Jim Backus, Bob Denver or Tina Louise impression will not win over audiences. This conjures up a nightmare of re-make called “Bewitched” which utterly failed.

HAWAII FIVE-0

Who could ever forget that classic theme song? I’m humming now as I type these words. But I can almost guarantee you this television remake will be easily forgotten and won’t be renewed for a 2nd season.  Some things are best left in the past.

HIGHLANDER

Talk about beating a dead-horse.  I’ve lost count of the number of Highlander movies made. The series took a decline with each successive movie.  Rather than a Highlander reboot, why not try something new?

PLANET OF THE APES

We saw what happened when the movie was re-made a few years ago. It stunk. There are just some classic movies that can never be re-captured, and this is one of them.  No amount of special effects can replace the powerful and provocative narrative of the original.  When I saw this movie as a kid, I had goose bumps when I saw the Statue of Liberty at the end. Now Hollywood thinks we want to see a prequel.  I don’t think so.

TOMB RAIDER

No Angelina Jolie this time around.  Aside from Jolie being the lead, there really wasn’t much else memorable about the first two movies.  The Tomb Raider character remained as two-dimensional as the video game.  If you’re going to make a video game into a movie, my suggestion to Hollywood is to pick another one.  This horse has already run its course.